Ho Ho Oh No

I have been awake since 3am this morning. I took off a day at work to focus all my energy today toward accomplishing one pressing mission.....start and complete my Christmas shopping. I managed to return home with my shirt, but that's about it. I'm now officially poor. Oh well....tis the season...I guess.

I hate Christmas shopping. I'm not very good at it. I'm not very good at shopping period but I'm especially inept at trying to figure out gifts for women. Specifically women I'm fond of. More specifically, my wife. If left to my own devices, my idea of efficient Christmas shopping would be to go to the Kwikie Mart late Christmas Eve and buy a lottery ticket, cigarette lighter, and a handful of Slim Jims....tastefully wrapping them in the plastic bag provided. I need direction. I require precise instructions.

Ya see, I ask my wife what she would like for Christmas and her response is "Oh, nothing, really".

Yeah...right....this isn't my first rodeo and I know that when a woman says she doesn't want a gift, you better damn well get a gift and it better be just exactly what she always wanted. So off I trudge to all the stores to buy things that she has eyeballed all year but never bought for herself. No clothes though and no dainty drawers. I've mentioned several times the danger of misjudging the size of your beloved. She doesn't like jewelry so that nixes an easy option. I got her some kitchen appliances because she really likes to cook and I, of course, really like to eat. I bought a few power tools because she is using her enforced early retirement to do home repairs. I'm probably the first man in history to buy his wife a miter saw with the intent of actually giving it to her instead of keeping it for himself. Various goodies for the stocking and a laptop, so we won't fight over access to a computer.

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about this for another 360 days.