Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Who Wears Short Shorts

I've generally avoided wearing shorts for the last few decades.  Mainly because of the pasty whiteness of my legs with highlights of scars from past misadventures, which nobody wants to see.  Also there was the unappealing look of scrawny legs topped off by a overhanging gut, which nobody wants to see either.  However; with the toning I'm getting in my legs and the increasingly hot weather that makes wearing sweat pants stupid, I'm needing to get myself into some shorts again.

Now...remember....I haven't really worn any shorts since Reagan was president so styles have changed.  My shorts of choice were just an old pair of jeans with the legs cut off.  I quit wearing those when informed that they are extremely "gay".  I didn't really care about that, but I was also told that they are extremely out of fashion and a man who wears them is considered to be a doofus and laughed at by the public at large.  So, not only would others at the gym consider me to be gay, but I wouldn't even be able to catch the eye of any gay guys because of my fashion dorkiness.  My insecurities can handle only so much abuse.

Younger guys these days wear baggy-ass shorts that seem to go down to their ankles and I can't see much point.  May as well just wear pants.  I tried looking for some workout shorts but there seems to be a conspiracy against having pockets....couldn't find any.  I got a couple of pair of nice cotton shorts but, without pockets, I had to carry a bag around like a little purse with my wallet, keys, MP 3 player, a card saying that I'm a diabetic so that if I start acting like I'm drunk call an ambulance rather than just throw me out....all the little things I need in my daily trek to the gym.  Big pain in the ass.

Then I found cargo shorts (heavenly music in the background).  These are great.  They come down to around my knees.  Comfy as all get out.  And pockets all over the freaking place!  I can't believe I had gone this long without trying on a pair.  I may even wear these things to work.

I have camouflage colored so that I can sneak through like a ninja.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Leg Day

I finally am starting to wear shorts to work out in the gym.  The weather's getting warmer so I'm not freezing in the morning though I still have the pasty white skin from a long winter.  I'm also noticing that my legs are more muscular thanks to all the months of leg exercise days.

But I don't like them.  Leg days, that is.

It's boring!  For males, working out the legs is nowhere near as satisfying as exercising the chest and arms.  I can do an intense upper body workout and feel invigorated by the soreness afterward.  With lower body..I just feel sore.

But I know it's important.  So I do it.  I can't go back to chicken legs.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Guaranteed Smoking Cessation Method

I'm thinking about writing a book filled with cutting edge techniques and advice on how to quit smoking.  I hope to make a load of money because I've discovered an absolutely sure way to quit tobacco use.  Not only are results guaranteed but the effects are immediate and very inexpensive.  I'm basing it on all the things I've learned with my success in completely giving up tobacco and nicotine after 40 years as a smoker.  

Slim book.  One page.  One sentence.

Stop smoking!

What's that?  You wanted something complicated?  Something magical?  Maybe a pill or complex system that would make the withdrawal easy?

Sorry.  The best and only way to stop smoking is to just stop smoking....cold turkey.  Yeah, it's uncomfortable for a few days but it gets easier.  It also works.  If you are considering quitting and using patches, gum, lozenges, or even vaping; you are really only fooling yourself.  That is the hard gained lesson I had to learn, and it took a heart attack and hospitalization to teach it to me.  

Quit.  Really....just quit.  You know it's the only way.