Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Who Wears Short Shorts

I've generally avoided wearing shorts for the last few decades.  Mainly because of the pasty whiteness of my legs with highlights of scars from past misadventures, which nobody wants to see.  Also there was the unappealing look of scrawny legs topped off by a overhanging gut, which nobody wants to see either.  However; with the toning I'm getting in my legs and the increasingly hot weather that makes wearing sweat pants stupid, I'm needing to get myself into some shorts again.

Now...remember....I haven't really worn any shorts since Reagan was president so styles have changed.  My shorts of choice were just an old pair of jeans with the legs cut off.  I quit wearing those when informed that they are extremely "gay".  I didn't really care about that, but I was also told that they are extremely out of fashion and a man who wears them is considered to be a doofus and laughed at by the public at large.  So, not only would others at the gym consider me to be gay, but I wouldn't even be able to catch the eye of any gay guys because of my fashion dorkiness.  My insecurities can handle only so much abuse.

Younger guys these days wear baggy-ass shorts that seem to go down to their ankles and I can't see much point.  May as well just wear pants.  I tried looking for some workout shorts but there seems to be a conspiracy against having pockets....couldn't find any.  I got a couple of pair of nice cotton shorts but, without pockets, I had to carry a bag around like a little purse with my wallet, keys, MP 3 player, a card saying that I'm a diabetic so that if I start acting like I'm drunk call an ambulance rather than just throw me out....all the little things I need in my daily trek to the gym.  Big pain in the ass.

Then I found cargo shorts (heavenly music in the background).  These are great.  They come down to around my knees.  Comfy as all get out.  And pockets all over the freaking place!  I can't believe I had gone this long without trying on a pair.  I may even wear these things to work.

I have camouflage colored so that I can sneak through like a ninja.

No comments: