Day 75 from August 30, 2007

Want to know something? I've been fooling myself.

Actually....I've been lying to myself.

I've made all of this hoopla and noise about getting fit, getting healthy, and transforming my body. A change from all my old bad habits; but I kept the one habit that is probably much more damaging to my health than anything....smoking. Let me tell ya, trying to get fit while using tobacco is about as pointless a pursuit as you can imagine.

So here I've been, these last few weeks; dieting, exercising, and all the while...puffing on the cancer sticks.

WHY??

Well, because I'm an addict. The very definition of is "engaging in a behavior that you know is harmful but you do it anyway".

It's time to start being honest. I'm suspending the challenge to devote my energies to getting control of this addiction. This is my priority. Nothing else is important right now. I may gain some weight; in fact, I'm expecting to since food is one way to cope with symptoms of withdrawal. I will exercise, but only to take my mind off smoking and not with any goal of muscle development. I sincerely hope that I haven't let anybody down that may have been looking to me for inspiration. My goal is to still get my health in order during this 50th year of mine and I've started counting from that birthday. By the turn of this year I hope to have my smoking habit long behind me and begin a new BFL challenge...a REAL challenge....so that by the time day 365 rolls around, I will indeed be a new person.