Monday, December 03, 2012


Indeed.  What am I trying to do?

November is generally a bad month for me, at least bad emotionally.  I get depressed during November.  I'm not really sure why.  I've had several crummy life events occur in November...but I've had some good ones as well, so I don't think that there is any PTSD stuff going on.  Maybe it's the season; it is past the initial autumn changes and everything is just dead, still not cold enough for the tranquil beauty of snow, and a long way from any warmth of spring.  There's Thanksgiving, but that is centered around eating and nothing cheers me up like chowing down.  Work is busy...but that's every month.

I just get depressed in November.  Don't know why.  I just accept it and plow through the month as quickly as I can.  I don't write much though and, when I don't write, I tend to lose focus.  I've drifted away from what I intend to do with this blog and It's high time I got back on the ball here.

It's December!  I'm in my forth month of my 55th year.  My intent was to chronicle a middle-aged (okay, slightly past the middle) man's attempt to reverse decades of bad health habits and emerge, after one year, in the best physical shape...ever.  That's a pretty tall order.  Several (ahem) friends have told me it is impossible.  So far, they seem to be right.

So here are my goals for the remainder of the year.  Nothing ground shaking.  Nothing radical.  Just that, for the rest of the month, I will concentrate on two things:  stop smoking finally forever  and get adapted to exercising on a daily basis.  These are two things that will build a good foundation for what I am trying to do. Without either of them...I'm really just wasting my time and I may as well go out and buy a whole bunch of life insurance because I'm probably not going to get far past 60 the way I am going now.  Smoking is a bugger.  I stop, then start, stop, start, stop for a good while, relapse and go back to smoking even more.  I sincerely wish that my Dad, when he caught me as a kid puffing away in the back yard, had given me a whupping rather than a lecture.  He should have knocked some sense into me...but I guess him nor anyone else could back then.  I also want to get into the exercise habit BEFORE the annual rush of folks hit the gym with their new year's resolutions.  I don't like being part of the herd.  I want to be a fixture at the gym before then.  That means blowing the dust off of my Y membership card and dragging my but down there every morning.

I could use some support.  Most times it seems that nobody reads this blog.  I often get the feeling that nobody is interested or, worse, nobody really cares.   Would it kill ya to comment?  Does that sound like begging?

What the hell....I'm begging.


Andrea said...

Is it maybe that SAD? Seasonal something Disorder?

Maybe subconsciously you link November to sadness and it sort of just sticks around for the crummy months?

Just a thought...

Jay said...

Maybe something similar to SAD. I don't delve too deeply into it...just kind of ride it out every year. December is usually pretty good for me, so that gets me through it.

Shelly Davoli said...

Yep, quitting smoking is tough. I did it 26 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child. My 2 pack a day husband did it 25 years ago when, at 35 years old, the docs thought he had a heart attack. I feel for you, I know it is hard. According to your time table, you have quit for almost a week.. that is awesome! Hang in there!! You CAN do it!!