Monday Cat Blogging

Tempus Fuggit

Daylight savings time really messes with my head. That's because my head takes a few days to get use to the concept that it is dark longer in the morning and lighter longer in the evening. It takes a while to train my brain to ignore visual cues and convince my body that...no...it is not being forced to wake up an hour earlier than usual. Then there is also the problem of going to bed at my usual time (according to the clock) when I'm not sleepy.

Plus, it is going to take about a month before I get around to setting all my clocks and watches up one hour.

Except for the one in my pickup. I never can remember how to set the time on that so screw it, I'll just wait for November and it will be showing the right time once again.

Time for a New Computer

I really didn't start out wanting to get a whole new computer. Originally, my thoughts were to get a nicer monitor...maybe spend a couple of hundred bucks at the most. So off I mosey to Best Buy after I eyeballed their ad both on paper and online.

I walk in to the store that was blasting out some crappy music through their speakers and I'm asked by an annoying blue shirt every couple of minutes if "I need any help".

No...I'm just looking and comparing a few monitors right now so I send them away, but they just stand right there beside me making me nervous, like they expect me to slip a monitor in my pants and walk out the store or something. Eventually, they do go off to pester some other customer and I have time to think and decide what I wish to buy. After a while, I come to a decision.

Nobody in sight. I wave my credit card in the air in the hopes of attracting the attention of somebody who wishes to take my money. Nothing. There is even a lull of silence while somebody is switching out one CD of incomprehensible rap crap for another.

I break up a gang of clerks trying to hit on some young girl and point to what I've decided to purchase.

"Oh...we're out of that"

"It was in your ad that came out today."

"Yeah, but we don't have anymore of them."

"Hookay how about this one", I said, pointing to what was my second choice...a bit more in price but one I was willing to settle for.

"Uhhhhh.....no more of those either."

I kind of rolled my eyes and said "just which of all these monitors you have displayed here do you actually have for sale?".

He then proceeded to show me a fine selection of 3 crappy monitors that I had no interest in buying. He did offer to sell me the display models....no discount....no warranty. No thanks.

Long story short; I went elsewhere to look for a monitor. I discovered that I could just get a whole new computer for not much more than I would pay for a high quality monitor. I started considering that my old computer was beginning to show signs of breaking down and decided to just take the plunge.

I wouldn't go back to Best Buy if they were giving out cookies and back rubs. I have a nice new computer to play with and didn't have to wade through all the bullshit to get it.

Though....I am stuck with Vista now.

Male Dysmorphic Disorder

The disadvantage of working in the mental health field is that all my colleagues like to diagnose each other....to label whatever minor or major weirdness in an effort to hone one's clinical skills and alleviate boredom during slow periods at work. One such co-worker suggested that I may be suffering from a dysmorphic disorder; more commonly known as an eating disorder due to a false self image of one's own body.

Well hell........as if I don't have enough to worry about.

I really don't think I have an eating disorder. Sure, I like food but the tendency to overeat and eat the wrong foods don't come from any deep seated psychological trauma, just bad habits. Though I often feel guilty if I've overindulged, I've certainly never contemplated purging as a means of canceling out a big pig out. I hate vomiting. Thinking about it makes me want to..well..vomit.

I also don't believe I have a faulty self image of myself. I think I'm fat but I know that I'm not near the gut dragging size of many men my age. I spent some time in the courthouse yesterday doing what I do most times when I'm summoned to testify about a case; sit in the hallway and wait, and wait, and wait. While waiting I was noticing all the lawyers scurrying to and fro with enormous bellies protruding like cowcatchers on locomotives. Even cops, who I assumed must keep some level of fitness for their jobs, looked like they were about to give birth to twins. I loved it because it made the self image I had of my body soar.

So what do I want? To be like the photo above?

Not really. I just want to have a flattened stomach. A defined chest and arms. Legs too would be nice. I want to wear clothing because I like them rather to hide my body. I want to be slimmer so that I can be more active. I want to be healthier so that I can live longer. As my role model and hero Terry says, "I want to extend my best if used by date".

I'm pretty sure that the guy at work is wrong about his diagnosis of my mental disorder. At least that's what the voices are telling me.

I Wasn't Always Fat

Lately I've been thinking about being fat and how that transformation happened while I wasn't paying any attention. Being fat is still a relatively unexplored country for me. I use to be thin. Scrawny, as a matter of fact.

I was the stereotypical 98-pound weakling for a good deal of my puberty. Right about the time of 17, I hit 120 pounds and stayed at that weight for over a decade. It was frustrating. No matter what I ate or what I did....my weight stayed a rock solid 120.

So I quit worrying about it. I ate whatever I wanted with the confidence that it would have no effect. I slowed down and pursued more sedentary activities with the thought that exercise would do nothing but make me sore. Then....little by little...year after year....calories and gravity started to do it's magic around my body's mid-section. Being nuevo fat as opposed to being a big guy in the first place, my fat is not distributed evenly. I'm not portly. I'm not chubby. I'm certainly not jolly about my body. I have a hanging gut that my frame is having difficulty supporting. The type of fat that I am actually hurts....and that pain holds me back in efforts to get back the body I dimly remember.

It truly sucks.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Imagine that you sit down for breakfast one fine morning to a heaping bowl of about 46 sugar cubes. It would probably make even the least health conscious among us gag with that much sweetness all at once. Yet, this is about how much sugar a lot of us will eat during the day.

Now, imagine two 1 lb bags of sugar plopped on your table and being told that it's part of your diet for the week. Think you would start to get an idea of why it's difficult to lose weight and stave off diabetes?

Imagine up to 150 of those one pound bags each and every year.

It's easy to let sugar slip into our diet. There is sugar in everything. Lots of foods have sugars in them naturally..but food manufacturers aren't content to leave well enough alone and dump more in the form of syrups to make it more tasty, therefore attractive, so as to make money. You can't even get away with foods that declare "low sugar or no sugar added" since the alternative is artificial sweeteners that either have the same effect on your body or may do far worse damage in the long run.

It even appears that the more "healthy" a particular food product is touted as being, the more sugar it has. I was looking around in the grocery yesterday for some breakfast bars that I could slip into my desk for a quick meal when needed. All the healthy and diet bars had a sugar content roughly twice as much as a Snickers candy bar....and I'm willing to bet a Snickers would taste better, it would certainly be cheaper. It is an ongoing struggle to find foods that are convenient and cheap without being loaded with sugar.

Or sodium....but don't get me started on that.

Monday Cat Blogging

Emotional Eating

A drug is typically defined as a substance that produces a metabolic change in the body. Sometimes those changes affect the chemistry in our brains and can alter our mood. That's why alcohol has been so popular since humans first stumbled across it; despite the fact that it really tastes downright nasty. Don't give me any of that connoisseur crap about fine wines and beers...it's all flavorings to mask the fact that you are drinking spoiled grapes and grains. People drink for the effect of alcohol, period, and that effect is that it makes you feel good. The trap many people find themselves in is using alcohol to feel good, then using it not to feel bad, then using it whenever they do feel bad because they seem to feel bad pretty much all the time.

It's very much the same with food. Our brains have been hardwired by evolution to respond in a positive manner when we eat. When we have stress or feel lousy, our brains send out signals to do something to fix the problem. The brain doesn't really know the difference between the discomfort of having your leg bitten off by a saber toothed lion or anxiety of a boss chewing out your ass at work. All the brain knows is that it is uncomfortable...and the brain is all about comfort.

Of course, what's more comforting than eating? Your mouth is engaged. Your stomach is getting filled. Your brain is happy....and when your brain is happy, so are you.

Yet we slip oh so easily into the same trap with all other drugs. Over the years, you find yourself eating as a response to any emotion. We no longer eat because we are hungry. We eat as a coping mechanism.

We get fat.

We feel depressed about being fat.

So we eat because we are depressed.

We get fatter.

One hell of a merry-go-round that some of us ride trying to figure how to get off. The only way I have come up with is to take a pause before I go after that donut, or bag of chips, or soda....and ask myself why I am eating. Usually, I come up the answer that I'm bored or stressed. Hardly ever is it because I am actually hungry.

The pisser is that one cannot quit eating like we would tell an alcoholic or crack addict to quit using their drug of abuse. Still, it is fairly accepted theory in addiction treatment that it's not the drug that causes our addiction but a developed mindset that links emotion to the use of a drug. Addicts are not treated by simply taking away their drug but by helping them change the way they think.

No easy task...whether it be heroin or nachos.

I Know How to Cook

strips of lean pork
greeen and red pepper
red cabbage
edamame
water chestnut
snow pea pod
daikon radish
...over a bed of rice

with a bit of hot sauce, of course

Monday Cat Blogging

Monday Cat Blogging

Super Duper Bowl

I've never been able to get worked up about Super Bowl Sundays. My friends think that I'm just kidding when they ask me "which team I'm rooting for" and I reply that I don't even know who is playing. I find watching football on TV to be rather boring. In fact, watching just about any sport on TV pretty much fails to hold my interest. There is something intrinsically weird about sitting on one's rear end and shoveling junk food down one's throat while watching athletes perform. Going to a game at a stadium is a bit different; it's more of an event and I can appreciate the entertainment value though it wears thin for me after an hour or so.

I actually wish I did like watching sports on TV. I would always have something to watch. My cable has about a dozen channels with some type of football game going on 24/7.

But maybe that would be a bad thing. Can I afford to spend every evening and day-off plopped in front of the tube watching athletes rather than trying to become one?

Transformation Day 27

Where does the time go? Already January has come to an end. Winter is starting to ease off a bit and, though there is still snow here and there, a few days hint at the return of warmer times. It seems that weeks just fly by in a blur.

Still transforming. I believe I overdid it on crunches in my desire to get rid of TDG (the damn gut) and have quite a bit of soreness to contend with. TDG is kind of a blessing and a curse for me. Having TDG out there for me to see all the time is somewhat motivating. I keep reminding myself that I didn't always have TDG.

Yesterday's meals:

Grapefruit
cottage cheese and yogurt
wrap with veggie dog and swiss, salad
V-8 and small handful of nuts
wrap with turkey and salsa
chocolate and peanut butter bar (I ain't perfect)

Transformation Day 24

I grew up in a small town in the Texas Panhandle. It wasn't a bad place to be as a kid but was very boring as a teen. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Same people every day that you have known your whole life. While I was in High School, there was literally nothing at all to do on a Saturday night but hang out. Most of the places that we hung out at were along back roads. Me and my friends would all park our cars at night along side some road away from town. Drink some forbidden beer, lie about our sex lives, and brag about what we would do once we managed to get out of school.

On one particular night of drinking and lying and bullshitting, one guy decided that he needed to relieve himself. Not just with a beer induced whiz, but with what is sometimes euphemistically called a number two.

Well...this guy seemed to have some aversion to snakes, of which there were plenty of in that part of the world, so he decided to take advantage of the clear and varmit free area offered by the paved road we were parked alongside. Just us guys. Nobody ever used the road during the night. Somebody had a stash of napkins from a local drive thru. So off he went into the middle of the road to do his bizzness.

Right about half-way into the process.....headlights come up on him from around the corner.

The guy frantically tried to pull up his pants but was so flustered that all he managed to do was get them twisted up around his ankles. In a desperate attempt to get out of the way of the car that was quickly approaching, he started doing a mad hop and shuffle to the side of the road. The car zipped by and I remember a flashbulb image of an older couple staring open mouthed at some kid with his pants off dancing on the road. The guy managed to get to the side of the road where he promptly fell into a culvert covering himself with stickers and mud.

The rest of us were roaring. I thought I would never again laugh so hard in my life.

Until somebody yelled "snake".

Transformation Day 23

Well now, it's a pretty significant day for me. I just received the last payment notice for my beloved red pickup. I've been paying on it for nearly six years. Every month, year after year, though divorce and marriage...I've paid on this thing. I am the only person to own it and, other than whoever put twenty miles on it getting it to the showroom floor, I am the only person who has ever driven my little red truck.

Is it silly to be happy about completely owning a vehicle free and clear? Is it prideful to have the smug satisfaction that every single bolt on my pickup is my property alone and belongs to no one else?

I dunno. All that's really going through my mind as I write the final check to Ford Credit is....

Monday Cat Blogging

Transformation Day 16

If you look up at the top of my blog page you'll notice a little quitmeter that shows how long I've gone without smoking and how much money I haven't spent on cigarettes. You may also notice, if you happen to have been visiting for the past couple of weeks, that it has been reset.

Yes...dammit...I relapsed....but like any desire to make a change in one's behavior, sometimes it takes multiple efforts to get it right. So I tossed out the cigs, slapped on a patch, and am giving it another go. Being a non-smoker is critical to my goal of being fit in my fifties. All the right eating and intensive exercise doesn't mean squat if I continue to suck on those coffin nails.

Trouble is, I do so many activities while smoking...especially writing. Right now I keep wanting to reach for a cigarette and a lighter every time I have a pause in my typing.

I'm going to the gym. It's probably the one place and activity that I've never associated with smoking.

Monday Cat Blogging

I normally don't keep track of what I eat on free days, hence the name free day, but I wanted to see in print just what I do on Sunday's. My suspicion is that I'm probably undoing a lot of work during the week by overdoing it on one day. Sure 'nuff, after looking at the list, I'm thinking I need to tone down the day-long food orgy.

Yesterday's meals:

apple turnovers
half box of Girl Scout cookies
yogurt
nachos
ham and cheese sandwich
chips and dip
bowl of peanuts
three soft tacos...loaded
chips with meat, refried beans, and lotsa cheese

Transformation Day 14

I love coming across stuff that helps me in my quest for becoming less than I am. Today I picked up something that I'm really pleased with; It's called Stevia. I bought the box of packets above and I think I may just do without sugar from now on.

I've never liked saccharin or Sweet N Low. The stuff always tasted more bitter than sweet to my tongue. Aspartame or Equal is just evil. I always imagine tumors growing in my brain when I ingest that crap. Sucralose, or Splenda, has never thrilled me. It has a slippery soapy feel in my mouth and I suspect it of giving me headaches.

This stevia is great though. Natural. No calories. No carbs. No glycemic index. Best of all...it's actually sweet!


Yesterday's meals:

oatmeal
yogurt
turkey and green beans
V-8
chicken with spinach and pasta
yogurt

Transformation Day 13

Yeah, I've got a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my house. It's taking a great deal of will-power to stay out of them until my free day. It helps when you look at the nutrition label on the boxes....fat city. I know that I can't just eat a couple and, once I open a box, I'll munch on the cookies until they are gone. The thing is...the cookies are really not very good. They're dry with no taste other than the sugar. Plus, they are way overpriced, about a quarter per scrawny little cookie.

So why do I buy them?

It's not because I want to support young girls in their fundraising efforts. Heck, I haven't bought a box of Girl Scout cookies from an actual Girl Scout in thirty years. I buy them from parents, usually at work. The parents corner me with an order form and browbeat me into buying a few boxes for their little darlings. I took the boxes home so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat them at my desk.

My wife's only response when I lugged all the cookies through the door was "what...no Thin Mints?"


Yesterday's meals:

oatmeal
cottage cheese and yogurt
fish and veggies
V-8
spaghetti and meat sauce
2 cookies (I know, I know)

Transformation Day 12

I hate phones. Well, I don't really hate phones in and of themselves, I just hate talking on the things. I hate answering phones. I hate calling people on phones. I would rather do just about anything at all than spend time with a phone next to my ear.

Which may seem a bit odd considering that my job requires a great deal of work with a phone

Maybe that has something to do with it? I mean, to me, talking on the phone equates to work. At work, every phone call is a demand upon me to make decisions. When the phone rings in my office it's not because somebody wants to chit chat and pass the time of day. I'm on the spot. I'm required to resolve some type of problem. I HAVE to answer the damn thing.

Off work...I have no reluctance to let my phone ring without the slightest urge to respond. I guess I also project that feeling toward others by assuming that they would not necessarily want me to give them a little ringy dingy out of the blue. This causes some problems with me; such as other people thinking that I just don't want to talk with them or that, maybe, I don't even like them.

no, no, no

Phone phobia is my little personality disorder. Most of my family and friends understand and tolerate this idiosyncrasy of mine. It's also not as if I'm some type of Luddite either....email is the best thing to come along since sliced bread. Email, IM, YouTube; I love all that stuff.

You want to talk to me? I want to write to you. There's a happy medium in there somewhere.



Yesterday's meals:

oatmeal
yogurt and cottage cheese
tuna and rice
small bowl of chili with lots of jalapenos
chicken breast and potato
pear

Transformation Day 10

I am so jazzed. I managed to talk my wife into joining me at the gym yesterday. I'm hoping to make it a regular thing.

Today is also my little sister's birthday. She's FIFTY!


How 'bout them glasses. hahahahaha. Happy birthday Sheryl.


Yesterday's meals:

oatmeal
cottage cheese and yogurt
tuna sandwich
handful of nuts (not hungry)
roast, potato, brussel sprouts
pear

YAAAAAHHHHH!

I was going over all my stock investments this morning. It's a little thing I have in case I ever retire and wish to purchase a higher grade of dog food or splurge on medication to keep me alive. Last year sucked! I lost over 40% of my portfolio value. I would literally have done better if I had just spent the money on lottery tickets.

Then I switch on the news for more reports of massive multi-billion dollar bailouts for all the a-holes that have been sucking dry my pension and are responsible for the economic meltdown in the first place. It's so nice that our taxes will ensure they will not face any financial hardship.

You can probably guess what the government bailout plan is for regular folks like us.

Sigh. All the more reason, I suppose, to keep myself as healthy as possible for as long as possible. Obtaining a transformation to become physically fit is, for me, much more of an imperative than simple vanity. Oh...looking better would be a plus. I'd love to get into smaller clothes and see a lascivious leer in my wife's eye. But there is a more basic need to achieve this goal of health and fitness.

Survival.

Monday Cat Blogging

Transformation Day 7

FREE DAY!




Only 24 hours. No time to blog.

Transformation Day 6....whoops

Okay...I messed up. In a mindless moment of hunger mixed with boredom, I stopped in front of a geedunk machine at work and bought myself a Reese's peanut butter cup.

Did it taste good? Surprisingly, not really. Pretty unsatisfying as far as my hunger went as well.

Do I feel guilty? A little, but I'm not going to beat myself up for it. I'm not letting one little piece of candy be an excuse for giving up.

Yesterday's meals, sans the no-no sweet:

oatmeal with honey
yogurt smoothie
meat pattie with salad
V-8
roasted chicken with potato
orange

Transformation Day 4

My usual schedule is a bit off this week due to end of the year paperwork that everybody wants turned in yesterday. I think I've managed to get my head above water and things should smooth out for a few months. Still...I have to teach a class this morning which kind of blows my workout until later today.

Yesterday's meals:

oatmeal with honey (yeah, I like oatmeal)
yogurt smoothie
Swedish meatballs and salad
V-8
spaghetti with meat sauce, one piece of garlic bread, and salad (a bit heavier than planned)
orange
lots of water

Chow Down

Tuesday's meals were probably a bit more than I needed since I went out to eat for lunch. I went to a Thai restaurant, which is not too bad since Thai food is generally healthier than the fare at most places...but the portions were generous and I cleaned my plate.

oatmeal with honey
yogurt smoothie
phad thai, spring roll, crabmeat roll
(skipped 4th meal cuz I was still full)
turkey sausage with potato and carrots
orange
water, water, and more water

Chow Down

Monday's meals.

oatmeal with dab of honey
cottage cheese with yogurt
Lasagna (really...only 200 calories), salad with lite vinaigrette
V-8
lean pork chop, salad with lite Italian dressing
orange
water, water, and more water

Stats Stats

Okay....time for some numbers. I have taken the before photos but I'm not going to show them until the end of three months for comparison purposes. Everybody, including me, has had their fill of my fat before pics.

My measurements as of 1-4-09:

neck - 16 inches
chest - 46 inches
stomach - 50 inches
waist - 45 inches
bicep - 15 inches
forearm - 12 inches
hip - 45 inches
thigh - 22.5 inches
shin - 15.5 inches
weight - 223.2 pounds
body fat - 40.2%

In lieu of a photo of myself....think of this, with toothpicks stuck in for arms and legs.

Monday Cat Blogging

Texas, Our Texas

The opening words to the state song of Texas. Not, as many non-Texans think, "the eyes of Texas are upon you" though that's probably a catchier tune.

I was born and raised in Texas. This year marks a significant shift in my life. I have now lived continuously in Kansas longer than I have lived anywhere else, including my beloved home state. I'm thinking of myself as a Kansan more and more. I'm even losing my twang...though I still toss out a "ya'll" when I speak.

They say that there are two types of people; those that live in Texas and those who wish they lived in Texas.

I like Kansas....but if I had my druthers....

Hello 2009

Pretty much a wasted day. I stayed up until midnight to ring in the new year. Well, actually, I woke up at midnight thanks to my ignut neighbor who shot off lots of firecrackers. I tried to stay awake. I didn't even drink any alcohol.

Whatever. A new year doesn't really mean much to me these days other than I'll be spending the next couple of months trying to remember to write "09". I did have a heaping helping of black eye peas and bullied Vicki into eating a spoon-full...she hates the things.

I also spent the day working on the Transformation assignment.


I'll be writing a great deal about this in the next few days.

Good Bye 2008

And good riddance.

Oh...it wasn't a bad year as far as things go for me personally. I got married about half-way into the year, which was a very good thing. I had a lot of good times with friends and watching my children and grandchildren grow and develop. Professionally I have done well. No major health problems. No financial stressors that couldn't be dealt with. Everything seems to be maintaining...particularly this fitness goal that I've had all year.

and that is the problem

I went through all the photos I have taken of myself and, for all intent and purpose, it looks as if I took them on the same day rather than spread out over twelve months. My initial reaction was to sigh with despair; nothing is changing, nothing is happening, I still carry around this fat flabby body of a middle-aged couch potato.

then I got pissed

What is wrong with me? Why can't I do what I know others have accomplished? Is it really too late to do anything about anything or am I just a lazy screw up full of talk and short of walk?

In the stillness of this last pre-dawn morning of the year, I'm forced to consider some unpleasant aspects about myself. I am lazy. I want results without paying the price for them. I'm following the the classic path of addiction and insanity by doing the same things over and over while expecting different results each time. Nothing about me will change until I make some changes myself.

To remind me of that irritating fact, I put together the video clip below. It's not really put out here for entertainment or to blow my own horn. It's certainly not anything I'm proud to show...but I'm posting it for my own sake. This video disgusts and angers me. All the goals with fitness that I've started with this year went nowhere and accomplished nothing. I do not want to make another like it...ever.

So...watch it if you like. Fair warning that it is just a succession of unappealing photos. There is no amazing transformation. There is no celebration of triumph.

Just a wake-up call for myself.


2008 from Jay Sheer on Vimeo.

Monday Cat Blogging

 

Organize!

I guess this is about the time that most of us think about how we are going to do things a bit different in the next year. One of the things that I'm mulling over is being much more organized with my time. I have a rather strange work schedule that seems to take up much of my time....but when I look closely, I also notice I have a great deal of spare time during the week as well, if not during some particular day.

I work four 10-hour days, Wednesday through Saturday. I usually get to work around 9am and leave about 7pm. During that time, I'm working and have no time for anything but the job. On Saturdays, I am on-call for 24 hours which means I have to be available at a moment's notice until 9 Sunday morning.

It makes for a hectic and tiring week, but the great upside is that I have Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off. There are special events; such as teaching duties, trainings, workshops, and meetings that fall on Monday or Tuesday..but for the most part, my schedule is pretty stable. As well, though I work until fairly late in the evening, I have a habit of waking fairly early in the morning which gives me almost four hours before I have to be at work.

So here is my plan.

Up at 5am (my usual time). Grab a glass of water and a cup of coffee, get dressed, and go to the gym. Back home by 6:30 at the latest. Eat breakfast and see what is going on in the world. Prepare the meals for the day. Go to work or begin my day-off. Sunday will be a free day and I won't have to worry about responding to an emergency call if I'm in the middle of squats in the gym that morning. Sunday is also the day I will shop for food the rest of the week.

Looking at it, I'm surprised that I have so much free time to exercise and prepare sensible meals. I guess it's just a question of making it something that you do everyday, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.

Tis the Season to be Nutty

Several people that I know through the internet are behaving rather strangely the past couple of weeks. I dunno. Maybe it's just me. In any event; I'm just kind of backing off from them for awhile because, in my confusion of where they are coming from, I might say or write the wrong thing.

On a similar note; the $25 challenge seems to slipped into a weird sort of limbo as of late. Not much going on as far as who is doing what. No specific guidelines other than one challenger demanding photos every two weeks be sent to him rather than the judges. I'm not even sure where that rule came from. There really seems to be no fun in this little challenge and I'm considering just abandoning it and continue with my transformation with others.

I'm in a pissy mood. I better quit writing.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from Jay Sheer on Vimeo.

Shopping for my Wife

I tell ya, it's hard being a man....and nothing tests us to the limits like shopping. Not just any type of shopping but the dreaded Christmas shopping for (shudder) a woman.

Christmas shopping is bad enough. Especially if you have all my organization and planning skills and decide that two days before Christmas might be a good time to go out and buy a few presents for the wife. Bumper to bumper traffic, no parking, insipid Christmas songs blaring out of department store speakers, and lots of screaming little ankle-biters whom I hope Santa has crossed off his "nice" list. All bad enough; but even worse is having to venture into the forbidden zone at one's favorite retail hell.......the women's wear department.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I steer away from dresses, pants, and blouses because misjudging a wife's size is never a good thing. Too small and she cries because she thinks she's fat. Too large and she cries because she thinks you think she's fat. Ya can't win. There's scarfs and gloves, that's usually a safe bet but I opted out for that the last three years and Vicki is a bit overstocked on those items right now.

What to do? What to do?

I find myself in the lingerie (fancy word for underwear) section and start sifting through a selection of kinda skimpy bra and pantie sets. Trying to picture my wife in some. Smiling. Thinking "this might be kind of nice" when a salesclerk descends upon me asking if she could help me find something. I say that I'm just looking for a gift. The clerk asks what size and I reply "I dunno, about this big" I say, cupping my hands in front of my chest "and about this big around on her bottom" I added, forming my arms in a circle and inadvertently moving them in what could be perceived as an obscene gesture.

The clerk literally gasped, along with a couple of other lady customers who were giving me the evil eyeball.

I gave up. Got a nice scarf. It would have been pointless for me to explain that I'm not a pervert. Really. I'm just an ordinary man trying to figure out what type of gift would please the woman he loves. A woman can load up a cart full of men's bikini briefs and jock straps and nobody gives it a second thought. Men, however, must either be lost or some type of degenerate to be fondling the lacy drawers. It just goes to show the tired old stereotype that all men have on their minds is sex, sex, sex.

It's a shame we live in a world that judges men with such prejudices.

Why...I hardly noticed that the store mannequins had nipples.

Monday Cat Blogging

Live or Memorex?

Some readers may remember back in the prehistoric times when, if you wanted to record or tape something, you actually used tape. Memorex had a bunch of commercials touting that their product was so great, you couldn't tell if it was a recording or live. One commercial that I particularly remember is Ella Fitzgerald belting out a high note and shattering a glass....then they played a recording and, sure 'nuff, the glass shattered again.

The reason I'm rambling about this is due to a recent incident at work. I do a lot of trainings for new employees and I was put to task for having classes that were...um....a bit too realistic. Scary actually. It seems some in the class became uncomfortable almost to the point of trauma.

Now, there's a reason I do that. It's not because I'm a heartless asshole who enjoys tormenting rookies. I do it because I want the new employees to face as realistic of a situation as possible before they go out and actually have to deal with the real thing. In my class, they get scared. In the world, somebody could get dead.

I remember one training in Navy boot camp. They had all of us jump into a pool with instructions to stay afloat for...I dunno...about a half hour or so. It was great! I just leaned back and floated for thirty minutes. There's very few opportunities to just relax like that in basic training and all the instructors were busy yelling and fishing out the others who were sinking to the bottom of the pool.

Later in my adventure, the Navy took a team of us a few miles out to sea in a helicopter. Once there, an instructor opened the hatch and ordered us jump out. While bobbing around in the ocean we all watched the helicopter head back to land, leaving us all alone. I KNEW in my mind that my instructor hadn't gone insane and decided to kill us all off....and sure enough, a boat came by to haul us out of the water. The whole ordeal lasted maybe five minutes; though it seemed like hours. I knew it was only a training but it was scary as hell for those few minutes

Which training do you suppose made me think of the seriousness of being overboard without any type of floatation?

Anyway.....I've been told to tone down my instruction methods...and I will.

But I really worry that some new employees may be in for an unpleasant surprise when they encounter situations that are not so sympathetic to their sensibilities.

Bleah

Some people like winter. They like the snow, the ice, the crisp frigid air.

I'm not one of them.

Monday Cat Blogging

 

Just a Bit of Trashtalking

trashtalking from Jay Sheer on Vimeo.

Now I Remember the Advantage of a Home Gym

It can be hard to motivate oneself to get out of a nice warm bed on a frigid December morning. Sleepy, hungry, and sporting a good case of bed-head...and starting off your workout with the joy of chiseling ice off the windshield while wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt.

My neighbor thinks I'm crazy.

He's probably right.

Adjusting

I'm unable to go to the gym first thing this morning because, even though I'm normally off from work on Tuesdays, I have to zip over and teach a class.

Now....it use to be that I would just blow off the whole day, which would usually lead to blowing off the next day, then the week, month, and...well...you get the picture. However; I've joined a neat little gym that is open 24/7 and is virtually deserted right about the time I will finish with my class and head home.

It would be nice to be able to schedule my life so that the world runs on my timetable, but that isn't the way the universe works. Any goal requires the need for flexibility.

So...What's the Plan?

There are a lot of diet plans out there. Everybody seems to have their own idea of what to eat and what to avoid in order to shed the pounds...many of them mutually exclusive of each other. One says go low fat. Others say forget worrying about fat, slash carbs and concentrate on animal protein. Still others who say stick to carbs and reduce protein. There is weight watchers, body for lifers, nutrasystemers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Subway Jared, and about a million others that offer the opportunity to lose weight eating foods that you may particularly like.

I have a theory. I think that the body pretty much knows what is good for it and will let the brain know if we listen. Is a small portion of lean meat like chicken good for you? My body seems to like it. Is a pound of fried bacon good for you? Though my taste buds may like it, usually my body feels a bit sluggish and queasy afterwards. Veggies and fruits seem to be things that make a body function well though I'm sure they can cause problems if consumed in massive quantities; which brings to mind another aspect of diet plans.....how much to eat.

I can't keep track of calories. Ditto with calories from fats. I get tired of spending the day using mental calculations of "well, that meal had close to 500 calories so my next should be close to 200 or I skipped one meal so that means I can go over my next or it's 4pm and I've already eaten my allotted calories for today so I just don't eat anything else, etc, etc.". I also hate feeling like a failure because I may have snagged a bagel at the office one morning.

What I am doing is a no-diet diet. I'm just eating. I love food and I refuse to deprive myself of the enjoyment of eating. Now, that doesn't mean that I will cram everything I see into my mouth. I'm basically following the BFL plan of five or six small meals a day. I measure food by portions and just make an effort to balance out protein and carbs with each meal. IF I still feel hungry after eating, I'll have another portion. No biggie. I am avoiding low fat processed foods. I'm avoiding artificially sweetened foods. I'm avoiding saturated and trans fats though I'm not going to obsess about it. I'm avoiding sweets. I'm increasing my consumption of fruits and vegetables. Hunger is the enemy of dieting.

In short, I'm eating as if my Mom were feeding me again. Real food. Food that is good for the body.

Oh...and exercise too...but that's my next post.

Monday Cat Blogging